we made out on top of his cat.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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