Well apparently he's into motor boating.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize