Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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