She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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