insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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