i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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