O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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