There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
