Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
