i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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