never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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