Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
