Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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