I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
