Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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