he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
