My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
