hell yes lets make some ravioli
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
