i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
