You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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