thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Found your dick twin last night
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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