I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
