I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
