girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
