I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
