I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Buhtt sex?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize