I think I died a long time ago.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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