i jhust puked up my retainher.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
