I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize