Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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