Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
