the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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