i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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