I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize