R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
