His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
