just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i don't like sucking hair
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
