she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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