Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
