I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
