dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
