Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
