Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
