I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
