ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
