if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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