what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
