Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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