its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
