this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
