Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
