dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
