i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
