So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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