Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
