I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
