there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
