I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
