roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
