I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
