Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
