butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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