Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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