is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
