Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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