Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
