maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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