dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you win again, gameday.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
