If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
