dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
