i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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